Breakfast at Trussies (closed for refurbishment)*
What’s the first thing the new Prime Minister – X (I daren’t guess) and Jeremy talk about when they meet up. Let’s listen in on the conversation.
X: Well, Jeremy thank you for sorting out the heap of c*** that Liz and Kwasi left behind. Now what’s your next priority?
X: Planning what?
J: No. The planning system – it’s a total mess.
X: Are you Kwasi too? Who cares about it? A load of bureaucratic mumbo-jumbo run by council deadbeats. Who cares?
J: Bad and all as Kwasi was, one great idea he had was to cut through all the nonsense with Enterprise Zones. Remember? And you’ll like this, we can roll back all the ridiculous legislation we inherited from the EU even though many of them were UK initiatives. It’s a surefire winner…
X: (thinks and taps fingers) I can see the slogan now: Get Brexit done…again!
J: And to hell with the bats, the birds and the newts. (both laugh)
X: But we’re still going to need planners of some sort. Where will they come from?
J: That’s all sorted too. My new not-so-mini-budget is going to send house prices through the floor and all the house builders and their consultants will pack up their tents and there will be mass redundancies.
X: So what?
J: Can’t you see, all of these people will run like chickens to safe jobs in the public sector and end the shortage of planners in councils.
X: Brilliant. But how about the housing crisis? We may have lots of planners but no one to build houses.
J: There is no housing crisis (giggles)…among Conservative voters. How many of the people who voted for Liz are having a housing crisis. None.
X: Jeremy, you are a genius, I can see light at the end of the tunnel.
J: Please don’t talk about fracking.
*With apologies to Truman Capote. WARNING. The actors in this play may be substituted at short notice.
Have a good weekend.