*Please read this article in Sir David Attenborough’s voice*
The Great Crested Local Plan was once a very common sight across the British Isles. It had strong populations across most of the Counties and at times populations of Great Crested Local Plans thrived delivering homes and infrastructure.
The Great Crested Local Plan populations has been monitored since 2012 following the introduction of the NPPF and in 2012, 41 new Local Plan populations were recorded. There was a steady growth of these and 2017 saw a peak in new populations with no fewer than 44 and 2018 saw 41 new populations. This was a very encouraging upward trajectory and these local plans delivered housing and jobs and infrastructure and created wealth.
Then in 2020 the planet was hit by a pandemic and unlike with humans who were bored and at home who had to “make their own entertainment” the population of Great Crested Local Plans dwindled. This perhaps is understandable as their natural breeding habitat, the Town Hall, was depleted of the necessary nutrients excreted by Councillors.
But then their natural habitat got polluted by an outbreak Morbus NIMBYosus, a highly infectious disease that originated on the banks of the Thames in Westminster. This spread very quickly across the country – it was carried to every corner of the country by creatures such as Govius Moronus, Trusses Terribalis and Sunakus Spinelesses. It absolutely devastated many of the growing populations of Great Crested Local Plans. Many simply stopped their gestation period and simply didn’t hatch.
This year only six Great Crested Local Plans hatched, and we are faced with a possible complete extinction, and we have had to move the Great Crested Local Plan on to the critically endangered list.
There are many brave people trying to protect the Great Crested Local Plans but they are fighting a losing battle. In May we saw an outbreak of a variant of Morbus NIMBYosus called Localis Eletionus Morbus NIMBYosus that has led to further depletions of populations (in Spelthorne, the gestation ceased two weeks into the examination following an outbreak of this variant!).
But what can we do to save the Great Crested Local Plan?
Well, we can help to revive the ailing populations? There is an extensively tried and tested antidote to Morbus NIMBYosus and its variants. It is based on engaging with the locals in the surrounding area in a meaningful way and analysing how we can stimulate the local habitat and then implementing that stimulation so that it can grow and thrive again. Our panel of specialists are the County’s leading experts at this.
With the right care and conditioning we can restore the once thriving populations until Morbus NIMBYosus is eradicated. This will hopefully happen in the not too distant future following a General Election event. But as the old saying goes, it is not over until the fat Great Crested Local Plan sings…
Until next week,
Ps. Do contact us for a consultation if your local population of Great Crested Local Plan is showing signs of infection of Morbus NIMBYosus.